Thank you, Garth, for inviting me to be with you today and for the opportunity to participate in the excellent Whole Message Conference this weekend.

It is a great thrill for me to be back at St. John's where my father was rector from 1948-55. When I was a young teenager, I ran through these halls as a boy scout, served at this alter and even sang as a boy soprano in the choir. Yes, it sounds great, but in fact I was a know-it-all, self-opinionated preacher's kid. I remember ranting to my mother that churches were full of hypocrites at which she coolly said, "Well come along dear, there's always room for one more!"

My time here was an important part of my spiritual journey. Here I was confirmed, here I had great friends, here I sensed community and I remember having lots of good times. I recall there was even an annual tea with standing room only where the prime minister and the leader of the opposition sat at opposing ends of the table pouring tea. That certainly is a bygone era!

It was probably in Ottawa that I first developed my love of movies sitting in the old Elgin Theatre just down the street. I remember well that when the movie The Outlaw starring the sultry Jane Russell was on at the Elgin, Roman Catholics were told not to attend, but of course the Anglicans were lined up around the corner. I am certainly not an expert about movies but during my time as a bishop they were often a refreshing escape from reality.

And it was several years ago that I remember seeing a movie called "City of Angels", a Hollywood version of an acclaimed European classic film called "Wings of Desire".

The movie is an appealing fable that asks the audience to suspend logic, to set aside our critical, pragmatic minds and enter a world, which is much like ours, but a world where there are different levels of reality. Mingled in with everyday existence is an invisible world of beings who watch coolly as lives are lived out and then they gently step in to help people move on after death. The story is told with much humour and a few tears.

The movie challenges many of us who live in a culture where the main reality is only what we experience through our senses, or what we can measure, or whatever the great god Science tells us is true and real.

As I listened to that reading from John just now, I wondered how our friend Thomas would have felt about this movie. We have heard how hesitant he was to accept a report about Jesus being around after his death. The other disciples have tried to tell Thomas they have seen Jesus. But Thomas, even though he probably wants to believe, needs proof; he wants to touch his wounded friend.

Much has been made of poor old "Doubting Thomas", his name has rattled through the centuries as a weak and unfaithful follower. I have heard preachers rage against his lack of commitment. But I wonder how many of us put in the same situation then, would have asked similar questions in that locked room?

Think of it. These men have been part of a very successful movement; they have followed a charismatic young rabbi who brought new insights and energy to the old teachings. He has turned their value system upside down. Life has been an exciting roller coaster of discovery and adulation. Now the young leader is dead, the dreams of the movement are crushed, the enemy is in charge and those who are left are hiding fearfully in a secret location hoping they will not be found. But when some of the disciples claim that Jesus has appeared in their locked room! It is unsettling to say the least.

Thomas might wonder if the others were hallucinating with the stress and disappointment and fear they were experiencing.

I not only understand Thomas' caution, I am grateful for it. Thomas frees me up to ask questions about our faith and to face concerns I may have about where the church is going.

We know some denominations are fearful of people's doubts and inquiries. They try to present the gospel as a tidy package, no loose strings, all wrapped neatly in words and dogma, a set answer for every occasion, "You got a question? No problem, we've got the answer!" "Don't have any doubts, and don't associate with anyone who does." I call them Dogma Bullies. But, Wait a minute. Isn't this starting to sound familiar? Right in our own Anglican Communion? Somehow we have moved from a church that for centuries understood complexity to a church that is being pushed towards puritanical simplicity. Don't ask questions about the faith; don't try to discern the work of the Spirit! Above all don't take the scriptural spirit of compassion seriously! And don't consider same sex partnerships worthy of God's blessing.

What nonsense!

As an Anglican I always thought it was part of my baptismal covenant to keep asking questions, to be open to challenges of justice and service. As a bishop I always encourage those being confirmed to keep asking questions, keep bugging the clergy. One of my favourite quotes comes from the theologian Frederick Buechner . I think it goes something like this. "Doubts are the ants in the pants of Christianity, they keep us alive and kicking!"

I am heartened by our reading today when we hear that Jesus is quite understanding that Thomas and the other disciples are cautious about his authenticity. He accepts their queries and accommodates their curiosity. It gives me hope that my Redeemer is patient even encouraging me with my questioning and my constant explorations of the faith.

I also love the fact in this story that Jesus seeks out his followers and he finds them in the midst of their anxiety. He even comes back the next week when Thomas will be there. Such assurance, that no matter where we are holed up he is with us and he brings to us that wonderful non-anxious presence that says Peace. In the midst of uncertainty his first greeting brings calm and perspective. "Peace be with you."

Jesus knows the weaknesses of his followers; he has seen how tedious they can be. He senses their doubts and concerns, their hesitation about an unknown future and their exhaustion. Yet still he entrusts them with an amazing mission ... to continue to build communities of compassion and truth and justice. "Peace be with you. As my father has sent me so I send you."

My experience is that sometimes you and I and many others in the church can be just as hesitant and cautious and doubtful and drained as those disciples and yet he still entrusts us to carry on this great commission. And we must not let him down, especially in these critical times. This coming General Synod will be a defining moment for the Anglican Church of Canada. Sign petitions, lobby delegates to General Synod, pray for them as they elect a new Primate. Don't be a bully but share your thoughts and work for justice.

In the international Anglican Communion, some claim that by our decisions about same sex blessings we are choosing "to walk away". What does that mean? We are not "walking away'! We are not leaving! But I also hope we are not going backwards.

This is our church. This is where we belong and we know to whom we belong.

With that peaceful presence of Christ among us we are linked across the centuries to those disciples gathered in the Upper Room contemplating the future of our community and our daunting responsibilities in the years ahead. We stand arm and arm with that shaky band who cautiously walked out of the security of their locked room, and went out and changed the world.

And so, may that peace of Christ, which passes all understanding be with us and those we love and serve, now and evermore.
Amen, my friends, Amen.